Still a mom?

I’ve been looking forward to this month coming, because it means school will be out and summer begins in a couple weeks. I’ve also dreaded this month coming. May is the month that Addy left this world and it’s also the month of Mother’s Day.

It’s hard to believe I’ve managed to keep living and going on without my baby girl. I miss her more every day. I miss feeling her put her little arm around my neck, I miss listening to her laugh herself to sleep every night, I miss snuggling with her and reading her books, I miss watching her roll around the living room, I miss blending her food in bulk and freezing it so she could have real food, I miss singing with her and acting silly, and most of all I just miss being her mom. She made everything about life better, she reminded me to lean on Christ at all times and she taught me to slow down and appreciate every moment with those you love.

As Mother’s Day approaches I’m reminded again that I’m not really a mom anymore. I don’t have a child to care for or love on every day. I will forever be Addy’s mom, but saying your a mom without a child sounds silly. I wanted to be a mom for so long, and once it finally happened, it slipped away as quickly as it happened and took a piece of my heart with it. As everyone celebrates Mother’s Day this year, don’t forget the grieving moms, those who don’t have their moms, and those who desperately want to be a mom. Mother’s Day is hard for so many people. It’s just another reminder of the heartache you carry with you every single day.

I remember my first Mother’s Day so vividly. We shared our Addy Grace with our church by telling our story and having her dedicated. I got 3 Mother’s Days with her here, which is more than we ever thought we would get, but it doesn’t make it any easier to face this one without her. I pray this is the only Mother’s Day that I have to get through without a child, even though no child can ever replace Addy, I look forward to the day when I can hold a child in my arms and be called a mom again.

This picture was from my first Mother’s Day with my perfect baby girl.