Lightning bugs

There’s something about light that’s mesmerizing, but even more so when that light is coming from a tiny insect that’s dancing in the sky. I wasn’t one to try and catch them in a jar. I loved watching them flash in the sky any chance I got, but to trap them didn’t seem right to me. Some things were just meant to enjoy for a short time.

Addalyn Grace was like a lightning bug. She was only here for a short time but brought joy and wonder to so many. She brought hope to more people in her 26 months than most of us do in our entire lives. I thought if I did enough and found all the right doctors that I could keep her here longer. I tried so hard. I did everything in my power. But I don’t really have that kind of control. God had a plan for her life and knew the day she would leave me before I even knew her. It’s hard to accept God’s plans when they don’t go the way you want them to. It’s hard to continue saying God is good when it doesn’t feel good. But feelings can’t be trusted. They will change at the drop of a hat and can leave you confused. God and the truth of His word are the only things that remain constant and won’t leave me. I can always rely on the truth of His word. Whenever everything feels dark and like the world is closing in on me I know that God is beside me, because He is near the broken hearted. He will be the light I need to see me through the darkest days.

“Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” Psalm 119:105

As amazing as the light that my Addy Grace gave, I can only imagine how much more amazing the light of God truly is. While I will always long for my baby and to see her again, I also long for the day I will be face to face with my savior and no longer have my feelings lead me astray. I will have no more pain and all this pain I’m feeling now will make sense. I will finally see that my suffering is for a purpose. I may never see the beauty rise from the ashes while here on earth, but I will definitely see it when He calls me home. It’s hard to imagine or even comprehend anything being worth this pain, but I know God is working it in some way to bring Him glory. I just pray that when I do finish this race He will tell me “well done my good and faithful servant.” I know He said those words to Addy because she definitely fulfilled her purpose in giving hope and bringing others to Christ.